Yesterday was an eventful day! I was playing football with a bunch of other friends after class and right at the end, while running for a deep pass, collided with another guy trying to catch the same pass. To make a long story short, within the afternoon I lost some vision in one eye for a while, had a terrible headache, neckache, was vomiting, dizzy, and even confused about words. I forgot several basic words while talking, like "rock," and the name of the guy driving me to the hospital. lol...it was quite funny.
We went to a walk in clinic and were then sent to the ER so they could give me a cat scan. The first 3 hours or so I was completely miserable and could hardly think. But, I was so blessed with so many of my friends here that were taking care of me and speaking for me. After waiting over 3 hours in the ER, I was finally seen by a doctor. They gave me x-rays because they were afraid I may have injured some of the vertebrae in my neck as well as a cat scan. Everything turned out fine and I was diagnosed with a simple concussion. I need to be really careful for the next 6 weeks so I don't get reinjured in the head...this could cause serious damage. I am doing fine today, just a really sore neck, bad headache, and a little spaciness now and then. They say I may have some memory problems for the next 6 weeks as well.
I am honestly so thankful for yesterday, though. I rejoice in what my Father did! My biggest fear is being alone, and I had actually been feeling quite lonely the last several days. However, with so many people taking care of me yesterday, driving me to the hospital, getting me medicine, speaking for me, and just being there to comfort me, my Father reminded me how He provides for my needs--including my needs of friends, family, and deep relationships. At one point in time there were 14 people hanging out with me in the ER waiting room! And the point where I finally started feeling better came soon after they all grouped around me to put their hands on me and speak for me together. I was so blessed.
It reminded me of the story of Moses, Joshua, Hur, and the battle against the Amalakites in Exodus 17:8-16. "As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up--one on one side, one on the other--so that this hands remained steady till sunset."
In my worst 3 hours, I was in too much pain to even think, but my friends held my arms up for me. They spoke to the Father for me when I could not think straight. I remember thinking, "I need to speak to Him, but I can't think." I managed out a little, "help me, Father." But, I was so thankful for those around me who were lifting me up when I was too weak to do it myself.
Those hours spent at the ER were also great bonding times. It turned out to be great fun and I feel even closer to them now. I love my family here.
Oh, and by the way...I'm not pregnant! The first thing they made me do in the ER was take a pregnancy test! Ha! I assured them I wasn't pregnant, unless I could get so by just looking at boys, but they say it's mandatory before x-rays. So, just thought you'd enjoy the rest of my diagnosis from the doctor.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Should I go?
My grandmother is my hero. There are so many things I admire about her...she was a devout pastor's wife and mother of four...but even more so, she has been a foundational rock of support and encouragement to me in my journey into serving the Lord through her dedication to missions (leading old lady prayer groups, making quilts to raise money for missions, completely supporting a national missionary overseas...). This dedication in her actions as well as her constant prayers for me have made such a difference in my life.
On the day of my graduation, December 15, 2006, we were alone in my room. She shocked me with the question, "Are you sure this is where God wants you to go?" I had spent a summer living with her while I was a summer missionary and she saw me working with the kids and youth. She told me, "I have seen how you can relate to people and how much God is using you here. I can't see why He would take you to another country where you don't know the language or the culture, when He's using you so much here, where you do know how to relate to people best."
I was flabbergasted. I hadn't expected this from someone I respected so much, especially someone so concerned about people coming to know Christ.
I assured her this was where God was calling me and kind of put the thought out of my mind. That is, until a few weeks ago.
The past few months I have been involved in several ministries in my hometown...teaching a discipleship class for new believers at my church, leading a discipleship group with four high school girls in the evenings, and helping with a Bible study for women at our local jail. God had been blessing me so much and using me in incredible ways! Those in my class, in my girl's group, and in the jail all had significant spiritual growth and were amazed at the things the Lord showed them through me. Shelly, a lady in the jail, even accepted Christ last Sunday.
That night I lay in bed thinking, "Wow! God has been using me so much here! I understand people, how they think, and I feel I can really communicate the Word of the Lord really well!" And then those questions of my grandmother's came to my mind again. If God is using me so much here, why should I go overseas where I don't know the language and the culture and how to connect with people and communicate like I do here?
I started worrying that maybe I shouldn't be going overseas. However, the moment I began to question God with this, He gave me my answer.
God assured me, I used you when I took you to Indonesia, I used you when I took you to Ecuador...look at all the people's lives I revealed my glory to through you, even though it wasn't your culture and language. I had forgotten...it's not me sharing Christ with people and revealing God's glory, it's God! He's the one doing it! All I am is the vessell He chooses to use. And He can use me anyway He wants, anywhere and in any language. How silly of me to think that it had anything to do with my own abilities!
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9
He also reminded me that if I don't go, how will they ever know? There are so many people who have never even heard the name of Jesus, and yet so many unwilling to go tell them.
"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
Thank you, Lord, for reminding me that this is where You're taking me...not because of my own abilities, but because You yearn for them to know You. You're going to use me...not because I have learned so many things and am good at this, but because You are the one drawing them to You and speaking to them.
On the day of my graduation, December 15, 2006, we were alone in my room. She shocked me with the question, "Are you sure this is where God wants you to go?" I had spent a summer living with her while I was a summer missionary and she saw me working with the kids and youth. She told me, "I have seen how you can relate to people and how much God is using you here. I can't see why He would take you to another country where you don't know the language or the culture, when He's using you so much here, where you do know how to relate to people best."
I was flabbergasted. I hadn't expected this from someone I respected so much, especially someone so concerned about people coming to know Christ.
I assured her this was where God was calling me and kind of put the thought out of my mind. That is, until a few weeks ago.
The past few months I have been involved in several ministries in my hometown...teaching a discipleship class for new believers at my church, leading a discipleship group with four high school girls in the evenings, and helping with a Bible study for women at our local jail. God had been blessing me so much and using me in incredible ways! Those in my class, in my girl's group, and in the jail all had significant spiritual growth and were amazed at the things the Lord showed them through me. Shelly, a lady in the jail, even accepted Christ last Sunday.
That night I lay in bed thinking, "Wow! God has been using me so much here! I understand people, how they think, and I feel I can really communicate the Word of the Lord really well!" And then those questions of my grandmother's came to my mind again. If God is using me so much here, why should I go overseas where I don't know the language and the culture and how to connect with people and communicate like I do here?
I started worrying that maybe I shouldn't be going overseas. However, the moment I began to question God with this, He gave me my answer.
God assured me, I used you when I took you to Indonesia, I used you when I took you to Ecuador...look at all the people's lives I revealed my glory to through you, even though it wasn't your culture and language. I had forgotten...it's not me sharing Christ with people and revealing God's glory, it's God! He's the one doing it! All I am is the vessell He chooses to use. And He can use me anyway He wants, anywhere and in any language. How silly of me to think that it had anything to do with my own abilities!
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9
He also reminded me that if I don't go, how will they ever know? There are so many people who have never even heard the name of Jesus, and yet so many unwilling to go tell them.
"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
Thank you, Lord, for reminding me that this is where You're taking me...not because of my own abilities, but because You yearn for them to know You. You're going to use me...not because I have learned so many things and am good at this, but because You are the one drawing them to You and speaking to them.
Monday, February 5, 2007
I was hit by a car yesterday
While in Carthage yesterday, a huge Avalanche pulled out from a gas pump and plowed right into the side of my little Ford Ranger. Crazy as it is, this is the third time I've been hit by another car!
The first two times I flipped out, started crying...worrying about what my dad would say or how we would pay for the damage (the insurance of the other guy never fully covers this stuff). I can honestly say I was reacting in my flesh: I was not depending on the Holy Spirit to lead me in truth, but reacted on my own.
Yesterday was different.
I began my morning with the Lord and He really spoke to me through a Psalm. By the time I was hit, I was just rejoicing in the Lord! Though I was hit by a car, I found myself being thankful in my situation! I was thanking God first and foremost that it wasn't my fault! Also, that I was okay. He gave me an amazing peace and calm assurance. I can definitely say I took claim to His promise:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
After the cop filed the police report and I was driving away (knowing full well this guy was completely at fault), God began laying something else on my heart.
I've been learning a lot about what forgiveness really means...not just from God, but also to others. As I was driving, God really layed that on my heart. I felt the strong desire to forgive this guy. Not that I was upset at him, but to REALLY forgive him.
I decided that I wanted to write him a letter with the estimate of getting my car fixed, to not turn it into the insurance company, and to pay it myself. Yeah, it was his fault. True, the law says his insurance must pay to have my car fixed. Yes, I don't have to pay for it.
However, Christ died for my sins. It was my fault. I should have paid that debt. And yet, I don't have to pay for it. I want this man to know that. I want him to know that even though he deserves to pay for my car to be fixed, he has been completely forgiven for more than what he deserves. I want him to know and experience in a physical manner the forgiveness Christ offers him.
My father is thinking about whether he's going to let me pay for it or turn it into the insurance company. We'll see what happens...ultimately, I will submit to my father and do as he desires, but I also want this man to know that kind of forgiveness, and if paying to fix my truck would help him understand God's forgiveness of what he owes...than it's worth it, by golly.
The first two times I flipped out, started crying...worrying about what my dad would say or how we would pay for the damage (the insurance of the other guy never fully covers this stuff). I can honestly say I was reacting in my flesh: I was not depending on the Holy Spirit to lead me in truth, but reacted on my own.
Yesterday was different.
I began my morning with the Lord and He really spoke to me through a Psalm. By the time I was hit, I was just rejoicing in the Lord! Though I was hit by a car, I found myself being thankful in my situation! I was thanking God first and foremost that it wasn't my fault! Also, that I was okay. He gave me an amazing peace and calm assurance. I can definitely say I took claim to His promise:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
After the cop filed the police report and I was driving away (knowing full well this guy was completely at fault), God began laying something else on my heart.
I've been learning a lot about what forgiveness really means...not just from God, but also to others. As I was driving, God really layed that on my heart. I felt the strong desire to forgive this guy. Not that I was upset at him, but to REALLY forgive him.
I decided that I wanted to write him a letter with the estimate of getting my car fixed, to not turn it into the insurance company, and to pay it myself. Yeah, it was his fault. True, the law says his insurance must pay to have my car fixed. Yes, I don't have to pay for it.
However, Christ died for my sins. It was my fault. I should have paid that debt. And yet, I don't have to pay for it. I want this man to know that. I want him to know that even though he deserves to pay for my car to be fixed, he has been completely forgiven for more than what he deserves. I want him to know and experience in a physical manner the forgiveness Christ offers him.
My father is thinking about whether he's going to let me pay for it or turn it into the insurance company. We'll see what happens...ultimately, I will submit to my father and do as he desires, but I also want this man to know that kind of forgiveness, and if paying to fix my truck would help him understand God's forgiveness of what he owes...than it's worth it, by golly.
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