These past several months of my life have been some of the most amazing of my life! God has completely changed my life. No joke. There are so many things I knew before, but now I know them in a different light. It seems like this past month everything, i mean EVERYTHING has been so interrelated and God has been teaching me this through every situation...let me try and explain...
I always knew that the relationship between a man and a woman in a marriage was the physical picture of Christ and the church (me). However, I guess I just never really got it like I do now. I knew that the man was supposed to pursue and lead his wife and she was supposed to respond and submit to him.
However, i was struggling with some issues in my life and one of the people who disciples me pointed out that I had been pursuing men. I didn't really think so at first, but then realized how much of a non-submitter I really was. I didn't mean to, but it's just that society has such a twisted view of these roles, that I thought I was being submissive, when I really wasn't.
So, as I began trying to submit to men in relationships, I realized there was so much I didn't know about submitting. I told my mentor that it wasn't fair that I didn't have that relationship with a man, because I couldn't physically see how I was supposed to submit to God. He said, in a way I didn't understand it as much, but really that God wanted to teach me submission and responding first through the relationship with my father.
My father has always been the quieter type, and I was always the child who wanted to do things my way. I didn't realize until now how much of a non-submitter I was to my father. So, these past several weeks I've been working extremely hard to submit to my father. In fact, just tonight I told he and my mother and grandma while we were sitting in the living room this stuff God has been teaching me. I apologized for not submitting to him and told him I wanted him to lead me as my father and the head of our household. I told him I was ready to submit to his leadership.
In talking with my mentor, I began seeing how interrelated all these relationships are...romantic pursuals, a father's leadership, and most importantly--our relationship with God.
I've come to realize that God has always wanted to lead me, but I haven't always been submitting to Him. Sure, I had a relationship with Him, but I kept trying to lead it. I would tell God to show me this or to help me with that...when really, that was not where God was leading me at all. Every part of my relationship with Him was like this--I was setting the initiatives and trying to take the lead, even in my quiet times...
But in these past months, as I've realized this and have begun letting Him lead, He's changed my life. I love submitting to Him! I love not even TRYING to do good things and trying to please Him, but simply seeking Him to lead me. When He shows me something, I respond in obedience, and I am no longer the same.
This may all be confusing, but I really wanted to try and explain it, especially since I've been talking to so many women about this lately. The exciting part: There are many women around me who have been learning this same thing from God! We were thinking, hmmm...God is calling all of us women to submit, maybe that means there are a bunch of men around us who are about to submit to God by stepping up and leading us. We have been praying for spiritual renewal on our campus, well, I believe this would be it...if only we all respond...if the women respond in submission and the men respond in leadership...wow, just think what would happen! All these people doing exactly what God's calling them to do! Look out, world! Christians livin' for Jesus and the lost comin' to know Him! AMEN!
Not only am I excited about this as a big picture, I'm excited about who it makes me. I like being a submitter. I am learning what it looks like to be a responder, and I love it! I have never felt more at peace in my life; never felt more secure and safe in my life; I have never felt more beautiful, loved, and pursued in my life...
Even in chapel on Wednesday, after the harp guy lead us in worship, I just couldn't help but think how AWESOME God is. I told a friend..."I think I'm in love!" As I was praying with another friend, I even told God that He was HOTT! It struck me as funny, but it made perfect sense! When a man pursues a woman, that is hot and attractive...and that's how I see my Savior! He woos me and pursues me and I couldn't be in any better place than letting Him lead me. Wow...
